|by Lost love|
|Looking back she is amazed they lasted all this time. |
At school, when she was so obsessed she would follow him around they play ground, hiding behind trees or pretending to watch the foot ball game, positioning herself so discreetly he would just believe she was just sitting down for lunch with her friends, yet he was un aware that she had relocated her hole group of friends for the chance he sat near by.
Finally he knew her name, a friendly hello and smile as they walked past each other, yet he was oblivious to the fact she had seen him walk past her class room minutes before, begged the teacher to release her and ran the opposite direction around the perimeter of the school so they would walk past each other, and she could smile at him.
When she would return to the class room, she would nearly faint, “he knows my name” she would repeat to her best friend who was so happy for her yet sick of hearing about him, how wonderful he was, how much she loved him, how much it saddened her he only knew her name, the grief she felt as she knew soon he would leave the school.
When she got on the bus every morning, she would have butterflies in her tummy by white bay and by the time his stop was next, she was a wreck.
Peering out of the bus window to see if he would get on, staring at the school kids as they got on one by one.
He was there, making his way up the narrow corridor. Their eyes met, she sheepishly smiled and looked away, squeezing her friends’ hand and closing her eyes. This was her heaven.
He sat behind her, the hole ride she was focused on his every word, he was so smart, so articulate .she had never met a man like him.
His goofy friend pulled at her hair, she turned and looked at them both, mesmerized by his charm.
When they alighted he waited for her at the bus stop and walked beside her until they reached school.
They chatted about silly things, the weather and school events. She was surprised she could utter a single word, so nervous she was surely shaking.
She would spend the entire day waiting for him to walk past, to speak to her, to notice she was near him every chance she could get and of course for the bus ride home.
Days went on, she got more and more obsessed as he started to notice her presence, and they became almost friends.
The holidays were here, she dreaded the thought of not seeing him for six hole weeks.
The first bus trip back was bliss.
The bus was crowded and her friend was away, as the school kids got on the bus she held her school bag down to the empty seat next to her and as he approached he looked at the bag, looked at her as she moved the bag onto her lap and he sat. She was so in paradise.
He was in his last year of school now and was away a lot of the time.
She missed him more than she had ever missed a person in her life.
On the way to school she was ever hopeful he would be on the bus, but never was.
Days passed and it seemed like an eternity since she had seen him last.
Fathers’ day was here, but not having a father she never really did much, preferred to stay home while all her friends did family things.
This year was different, she agreed to go out with her mum, to china town for their regular Sunday yum-cha.
After sulking all lunch, her mother and her went down stairs and decided to go for a walk into town.
In the distance she saw a figure, dressed in black, for a second she imagened it was him, but then snapped back into reality.
As they walked on, she saw it again, it was him.
She felt as if she would die right then and there.
He approached her and smiled, she was so excited. He knew her name.
Still it was only a sheepish smile of acknowledgement before she looked down at the ground again.
The next day on the bus, she sat gossiping to her friend about their weekends and who was snogging who when a familiar voice echoed in her ear, she looked up, it was him.
She smiled from ear to ear.
For once they had something to talk about.
They talked for the rest of the ride about why they were there and discovered they shared a favorite restaurant and a ritual of yum-cha.
After that he approached her a lot more.
Annual school slave day came around, to her surprise he brought a considerable proportion of his year group, before this no one had ever talked to her about him, then her ex boyfriend who talked to him a lot commented on his wealth and status. Which was very unexpected.
After the auction was over, bidders were asked to stay behind, knowing her would have to stay behind she lurked for a while by the podium.
Sure enough, he walked over to her, and told her he would have brought her a slave, if she wished. She giggled and tried not to stare to long at his amazing eyes, which seemed to distract her from the conversation. Then he told her that they should go for lunch some day. Yum-cha. It was a dream come true, but she would never go, but agreed anyway.
As the weeks went on and his time at the school was growing to a end, he approached her more and more about their yum-cha date.
She was to scared to go with him.
What if this lead to a relationship? She was surely too young to be dating a man of such caliber.
School holidays were near again and her cousin was coming to visit from Perth so she would miss the last couple of weeks, knowing quiet well these were her last weeks with him, for back up she pleaded with her best friend to approach him when she saw him next, perhaps on the bus ride to school and ask for his phone number.
But this was unnecessary as that day, her last day, he was at school, called her over at lunch and she sat with him, and her gave her his mobile number, she was thrilled, and contemplated calling him, and what she would say, she ran back to her friends to tell them the good news, they all looked amazed.
A mobile number? No one I knew had a mobile, he is so grown up.
Then Her annoying ex boyfriend got involved and then all of a sudden there picturesque intimate yum-cha date for two ended up as a lunch with all his friends and her annoying ex boyfriends friends who were all just as obsessed with him as she was.
Lunch was good never the less, he asked for a sticker photo of her and stuck it in his wallet, this was a sign to her that he may be interested in her.
Months past and they talked on the phone every night, he even went to a pay phone to call her , just because he said he would, he obviously liked her.
She was so naïve asked him how many girls he had kissed and dated, he laughed and ignored her questions, and when she commented on his busy life, he said if he found someone special enough, he could always make time for them.
As her cousin was in town, she asked him to come to wonderland with her, he hesitantly agreed and brought another one of his goofy friends long.
They had fun.
School went back and he visited occasionally.
She saw him from a mile away and ran out of class, down the stairs and into his outstretched arms.
People stared, teachers commented but she didn’t care. She was perfectly happy right there, in his arms.
Time past and she didn’t hear from him any more, forgot what it felt like to have him say hello, to answer the phone to his voice. She moved on, had a new boyfriend, someone her age. Her mother was approving.
She figured he moved on too, forgot all about little her, sometimes she imagined him, kissing another girl, a beautiful, sophisticated woman, someone she could never be.
Then one day, he called.
Out of the blue, he said he had seen her and just had to call.
She has happy, full of mixed emotions.
What was she to do? Her boyfriend was lovely, kind and even cute, but he, he was everything to her.
Things came to an end with her boyfriend, not purely because of his presence in her life but it did contribute and then it started again, they talked every night, for hours.
Then he stopped answering his phone, never called back when he said he would, never called at all.
So again, she picked her heart of the floor, wondering what was wrong with her. Put it down to the age gap, her lack of interest into talking things further.
Again, she had a nice, kind and she thought cute boyfriend, together six months, which is a lot to a young girl like her.
She would even say she loved him.
Then he called.
She was reluctant at first to talk to him, and refused to see him, blamed it on schoolwork and study when really she was just scared he would do it again, leave.
He often asked why they lost contact.
She vaguely replied “if you don’t know now, you couldn’t have cared then”
He was puzzled.
She agreed to see him under false pretences, and took her friend along, they had yum-cha and talked about the weather and her new boyfriend. He didn’t at all seem jealous.
He knew he could have her, if he decided he wanted her.
Her boyfriend went on a family vacation and They were inseparable, he took her places she had never seen before, and he was her best friend.
All her friends loved him, he was a real charmer.
She sensed one of her friends liked him, she warned him not to do it to the friend like he did to her.
He was again puzzled.
He didn’t realize the hurt she felt when he had stopped showing interest and forced her to stop calling.
He remarked that they should pretend they are going out, if only she didn’t have a boyfriend.
She was in love with him.
And couldn’t deny it anymore.
She messaged him, while sitting on her loving boyfriends knee, she asked if has feelings.
He replied a message she wishes she had kept until today.
He said he has always had feelings, and always will.
It was over.
She broke up with her boyfriend.
The next time she saw him,
She was so mad he didn’t mention anything about it.
He left her at his friends’ house and made his way to the lift.
She followed, wearing no shoes.
They sat on the rooftop of the building and talked for ages.
They came to the conclusion that it was weird, their relationship had gone from, sister and brother, to best friends and now more than that.
She was to go to Melbourne in the morning.
He promised it would be sorted out when she got back.
It was a month before they talked about it again.
She agreed to see him the next night, but he was busy, he went clubbing, so she went out.
She broke his trust and the relationship they had built by sleeping with another man.
He found out just before her birthday.
On her birthday he was suppose to tell her if he wanted to be her boyfriend or not, he said he needed time.
Every day, she fell more and more in love with him.
A friend of his visited form Ballarat.
His friend told her stories of their history that were so similar to there past.
She wondered if he had girls posted in every capital city, in love with him and being stringed along.
One night she exploded, “im the same as her, I love you and you have no feelings” “No” he protested
“ive never said no to you”.
Until the day he did.
After weeks of fighting, she gave him a day.
“If you don’t tell me by Saturday, its over”
a message at 11.58 Saturday sayin “if you want an answer now call me but id prefer to wait till tomorrow”
she let him have the night.
A week later, she wanted an answer.
“yes or no dearest”
“if your going to put it like that. NO”
she was devustated, she is now, nomore than the girl from balarat or the girl with the big bum who also fantasised about marring him, and even wrote it under goals in her year book.
She didn’t know what to do,
She cried for days.
Took time off school.
He didn’t love her?
She wasn’t the special one he spoke about years ago, worth making time for.
She had sacrificed two boyfriends and thousands of dollars on phone bills for….
She reviewed their whole relationship.
The fights, the cuddles, the laughs, the tears.
She blamed herself for wanting too much from him.
How could she be a part in his life if he doesn’t love her enough to make their relationship official.
All the jokes about marriage and children,
In her head were goals, in his, just that jokes.
Their relationship continued as usual,
Lots of fights, followed by the abusive letters and mid night phone calls.
Her birthday came again.
He pronounced his love to her, in the intimacy of the hotel bedroom.
They had known each other six years now,
It had been fourteen months since the roof top conversation,
He hadn’t as so much as kissed her in all this time.
To think she was scared of him wanting to take things further five years ago.
She loved him, and she believed he loved her.
Yet the fact he didn’t want to sleep with her or anything made her uneasy.
Wasn’t she attractive?
Could their relationship be purely intellectual?
Is he gay?
All these things haunted her.
Many a night she called him to discover his phone was off or he didn’t answer,
As he grew busier, she grew confused.
Confused about where this was going.
Would she stop calling as he stopped answering.
Would they loose contact?
Would she ever be fully content with any other man knowing he could come back and take her away again.
Did she want to be with anyone else when she knew he was out their.
With all his faults and imperfections, she loved him,
His charm, charisma, kindness and all the things that first caught her attention as a little girl still remained as attracting as the first day he ever spoke her name.